At 48, my life as a woman has been marked by a series of challenges and resilience. Being from generation 40 years.
My life as a mother was never able to see the light of day.
However, I bounced back, moved forward and learned to give and share differently.
Nature, photography, travel and this impulse towards you to share these moments have filled this void. We make room for carefreeness , this privilege that we have, when we are not a parent, this eternal adolescent spirit !
The moment of fear
We trace our path without really being aware of the time that passes, without much prevention. No gynecologist for 8 years, no time! I no longer wanted to talk about this experience and just wanted to experience good things to the fullest, remaining sensitive to what is good for the body: sport, good food, positive vibes .
I told myself, no need to warn, I will be able to cure everything!
Then, here I am stopped in my tracks because of a hard lump , a lump under my armpit ...
The brutal reality
We say to ourselves "well, weird" on Friday, then "well, not normal" on Sunday, we check on the Internet (never good) and we start to freak out. Then, we find another strange lump under the breast , not very far away and then we panic.
We quickly found a doctor to guide us and everything fell into place very quickly. Hard nodules and asymmetrical shapes confirmed in the armpit , this could suggest an advanced stage of breast cancer .
We realize that we are at risk and that we have never checked anything, never had a mammogram, never seen a gynecologist again following the hysterectomy . In short, that we were not insured and that we took risks... TOTAL PANIC .
The return to serenity
Luckily, in Switzerland , everything can happen very quickly and medical care is immediate .
My doctor is extremely responsive, aware of the psychological impact in this type of case and makes appointments for me with the best specialists. In less than 24 hours, I find myself in these dark mammography and ultrasound rooms...
In 72 hours, I saw my life come to a halt, my projects ended, I feared for my loved ones .
I shared my fears with some, those I knew were strong, and I protected the others.
I received unwavering support from everyone. The man who shares my life, who had just lost his parents in a short time to cancer and an orphan disease, took it on his shoulders and gave me the best at every moment. During this week of fear, we felt each second pass together.
A profound revelation
The ending is happy. After 5 days of worry, that half hour seemed like an eternity during exams, alone facing my worst fears. The mammogram is clean and the ultrasound indicates cysts and infected lymph nodes , but they are analyzed as benign ...
It took me a while to come down, my nerves gave out, my shell fell off. I was scared, but there was nothing ... Phew. It took me 8 hours to realize it, to get the machine running again, to smile again.
A new perspective
What do we say to ourselves after thinking the worst ? That there are definitely lessons to be learned from all of this. Certainly, I am a woman who burns life , but it is worth protecting yourself , to protect yourself from certain unnecessary risks . We must realize that this can happen, and that as we age, it happens even more often.
I have to take charge of my health, learn to think about tomorrow , not believe that eating healthy, doing sports and bathing in cold water are enough, but that I also have to check these little moles that I love , these spots due to excess sun, the pit of my stomach which is not completely empty... I'm starting today.
Photography, nature and sharing will always remain at the heart of my life, but with a new awareness of the importance of health and prevention .
The beauty of life lies in each present moment. It is this force of the moment that I wish to share with you, dear readers, through my photos and my stories.
Let's enjoy every second, with caution and passion.
A thought for real fighters
I have a deep thought for all those who lived another story, much more terrible, who entered this uncertain tunnel and who fought with immense courage and will.
I felt for a short moment their fears about cancer, put myself at the entrance to this dark tunnel, and I realized how difficult their path was. I hope I haven't offended them with my irresponsibility.
I understood my luck and I will work to deserve it .
Take good care of yourself...
Sophia.
Photo credits @soph_in_switzerland
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